he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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