I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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