yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
