Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
