is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
