that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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