I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
