You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize