only if we run a train.
done.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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