Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
