The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
