they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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