fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
