listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
