the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
