I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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