you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize