omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
