Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
