3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
