If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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