Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
