you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
