how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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