After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think i got beer on your cat.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize