I just cut my nipple shaving
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm passing your future prison.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
