More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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