Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
