We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
