It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
