conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Randomize
