She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
