areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
