I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i think i just lost a toe
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