Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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