the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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