IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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