this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
