It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
