So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
