my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
