So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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