My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
