I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
