"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
