that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
