Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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