A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I believe in your delicious
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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