The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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