Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
