he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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