sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
