you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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