Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
