he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
