i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
