I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
