she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
