my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Say something about gay babies.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
