I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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