I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize