Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
