when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
