Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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