Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
