So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
