You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Green mimosas i think yes
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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