My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And then he peed in my hair
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