It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
