Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
