Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
